I remember the evening the pediatrician called to say my son had a brain tumour. I was devastated, but I also was in the middle of cooking a turkey dinner and could not have a full on meltdown. I was also to be leading an infidelity support group within an hour and asked my co leader to take over for the eve.
I told him I was so grateful that I could stay calm, so I didn’t spook my kids, despite my broken heart and that was one thing I learned from going through an affair years earlier; managing to keep things as calm as I could for my kids, and he said to me:
“Nothing is ever wasted.”
That has stuck with me ever since. That everything we experience has some wee nugget of goodness in it that helps us in other times.
When I found out recently, that the tumour that I was diagnosed with 6 weeks ago did not actually exist, I was initially grateful but I was also mad. (The MRI results came back and showed there was no new tumour, the Ultrasound was inaccurate and the docs think the growth was not there to begin with.)
Why did I have to live like I had pancreatic cancer for 6 weeks? That was stupid, what a waste of time and I felt horrible for dragging so many people into my stress. And then I thought.
Nothing is wasted.
That little non-existent ‘guy’ reminded me of the incredible gift of life. It reminded me that life is so precious, and I don’t want to waste a moment.
It reminded me to worry less and love more. It reminded me that the darkness and the shadowy places in my life makes the colourful moments that much more vivid. It was not a waste to live like that. I learned so much and adjusted things to be more inline with how I want my life to be. That experience was so far from a waste of time.
My hope is that whatever you’ve been through or are going through you will see a sliver of a gift in it that can be used later and know nothing is ever wasted.
Thank you also for all your love and prayers during this stressful time. My hope is that we all squeeze all the juice out of this one precious life and know whatever dark time you may be facing that there maybe a wee glimmer of grace that holds you steady.
So much love to you wherever you may be.